Becoming a friend you want to be friends with – By Ammie Black

What would it look like to become a friend you would want to be friends with? Do you have a criteria in mind? An “ideal” friend, maybe? 

Childhood Friendships vs Adult Friendships 

Consider kids. Most kids make friends rather easily. They meet someone new, and in 5 minutes they’re playing and laughing together like they’ve always known each other. 

As adults though, friendships get harder to come by. There are various reasons for this. Work and home responsibilities may not leave much time for cultivating friends. Differing life stages and interests can make it hard to connect. 

Being a bad friend 

As an introvert, I have discovered something that I wasn’t eager to admit was true. 

I make friendships hard by not being a good friend. 

I’m not mean or rude to my friends, but often I don’t show up. I get invited to dinner. I accept, only later to find a reason to decline. I get asked to a movie. A festival. A concert. 

And WITHOUT FAIL, I politely bail. Or if you bail on me, I am SECRETLY RELIEVED. 

What kind of friend is that? 

One who has been rejected and let down numerous times and fears it will happen again.

But I need friends!

We all do. To cultivate a community of support around me, that meant I had to begin to become a better friend myself. If I wanted to become the kind of friend I would want to be friends with, I had to BEGIN:

  • BEGIN to be open: Let God take the fear so I can be free to be a friend. (Isaiah 41:10
  • BEGIN to be healed: let God’s love heal the broken places, so I don’t cause broken places in others. (John 13:34-35) 
  • BEGIN to be honest: Stick to my promises and commitments to friends, but if I really don’t feel like going out for a LEGITIMATE reason – then say so. 

I have found that becoming a friend I want to be friends with is not easy. There has been some self-work and heart-work I have had to allow God to do in me. It has taken time. Several years, in fact.

Yet, friendship with other Christian women is so very rewarding. The work is worth it. 

Friendship grows you socially and spiritually if you relate to the right people. Your tribe. 

It keeps you accountable. It is designed by God, this community thing. Because we are not meant to do life alone.

So here’s my question for you, what can you begin to do or what can you allow God to begin to do, to make you a better friend?


Isaiah 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. Pin at The Hope Table

John 13:34-35 34 “I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. The Hope Table Pinterest

Ecclesiastes 4:10: For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. Pinterest

Becoming a friend you want to be friends with. An exploration of friendship among modern Christian Women

Becoming a friend you want to be friends with. An exploration of friendship among modern Christian Women

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