(Un)Deserving of Love - by Shovorne Adams

I was fuming. One thing that angers me more than a bully is a group of bullies. There’s always that one main mean girl and her (so-called) friends. The friends don’t always bully their victim directly, but they encourage the main mean girl and her unkind behaviour with giggles and whispers that validate her reasons for being nasty. Urgh!!! One thing I can’t stand is a group of mean girls, especially when the only thing their friendship group really has in common is their bond over being nasty and unkind to someone else. Real friends don’t back their girls when they’re being malicious. They get them in check and hold them accountable. Girl, Proverbs 27:5-6:

Better an open reprimand
than concealed love.
The wounds of a friend are trustworthy,
but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

If you’re a fan of Married at First Sight Australia, you too might be appalled by some of the bully-ish shenanigans in Season 9 this year. I thought the first few series that came out a billion years ago were helpful, but like many reality shows, they tend to lose focus and get filled with drama for ratings. It should be titled ‘What not to do in marriage?’. So, eventually, I stopped watching it for a long time. BUT occasionally, if I catch the first episode and meet the characters, I tend to get a little bit invested and usually end up watching to the end. Don’t judge me!

Just the same, this season has very few lessons in love and marriage. A mean girl spirit encompassed the show, led by one particular woman, whose name I won’t mention. As far as I’m concerned, she was fishing for a target from the beginning of the series. After watching her gang up on another lady with her unkind little friends, I was surprised when her husband kept choosing to ‘stay’ with her in the experiment. He saw her mean, unfriendly, snide and petty side, yet he remained. I wanted to scream, ‘Leave her, you fool. What are you thinking?’. Week by week, he kept saying ‘stay’ and never choosing to ‘Leave’. He saw the flaws, but he kept stating he could see all that was good in her. Her flaws were something they could work on together. I thought, well, maybe soon he’ll see it and leave her, then she’ll recognise how nasty she’s been. That’ll teach her a lesson, and then she might change.

I didn’t get it. It felt like the bullies were ‘winning’, and no one on the show was genuinely holding them accountable. As I tucked myself into bed and pulled up the quilt, I thought, ‘she doesn’t deserve love.’ No sooner than the sentence finished in my mind, God said, “Yes, she does. As much as you do”. Ouch. Humbled.

Despite all of the flaws in humanity, God loves us. Though we were born into an imperfect and sinful nature, His love is abundant and eternal. It’s forever available and accessible to us though our actions and traits often show us as undeserving.

Even in my most deep darkest ugliness, God has loved me. Waited for me to accept my flawed nature and repent and accept His unfailing love. I remember talking at a Christian ladies’ event on building community. I was asked to speak from the perspective of being a single mum that felt judged. I said something along the lines of “As a Christian, it’s our job to love others without first assessing them to see if they’re worthy of it” (Inspired by quote from Thomas Merton). Today I needed the reminder that we all deserve love. When I observed only her flaws and sins, forgetting my own, my heavenly father saw his daughter made in His image. A daughter for whom he predestined to sacrifice Christ to redeem and make whole.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life – John 3:16

So loved. Each and every one of us is ‘so loved’. Knowing we would enter the world imperfect, we are still ‘so loved’.

Now I don’t know if this MAFS couple will last forever. I don’t know if his love for his bae will remain no matter what, even when they are no longer performing on a show. BUT What I do know is that God’s love does last forever. He always chooses to ‘stay’. And even sometimes, when we choose to push God away, he never chooses ‘leave’. When we feel He is far, he is closer than our next breath. God’s love is eternal, unconditional, and given freely, despite who we are. Despite where we come from, despite how we sometimes behave, His love never fades.

Though it may not be on your agenda to sign up for a TV reality show, I pray that we sign up for the heavenly father’s love, accessible to all.

As the song says:

“I was down in the valley
Before love came and grabbed me
Never thought I’d see the sun again
Without no hesitation
You became my resurrection
All the light that came shining in
Now I’ve got beauty for ashes
And I’ve got joy for mourning
And I’ve got praise for heaviness
Love is a miracle”

So bride, get ready for your groom. He’s coming.