December 26, 2021|In Lifestyle|By Shovorne Adams


Comparison is not just the thief of Joy. It’s also the thief of dreams, a destroyer of friendships, an enemy to peace and contentment and the shamer of potential.

Social comparison is a natural behaviour to humans, and it starts in the toddler years. It’s like a way of seeing where we fit in the world. But what we didn’t bank on was social media exposing us to what everyone is doing ALL of the time, giving us a constant barometer with which to assess our own status against the lives of others.

Well, if you haven’t heard it said before, “Stop comparing your life to strangers on the internet”. I call it the shamer of potential because so many of us can do extraordinary things, but we are too busy comparing our starting place, our potential, to someone else 10 or 20 years along in the same field. 

Quote on comparison
Quote on comparison

A flower doesn’t think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms. Some might bloom in a different season or require slightly different surroundings, but they bloom nonetheless. As I sit rooted and blooming as I should, I can see you over there growing under the rays of the sun too. Thank you for adding to the beauty. There’s an abundance of room for us ALL to blossom beautifully.  

Often a negative form of comparison comes from insecurities and a scarcity mindset. Because she wins, it doesn’t mean you lose. Because she made it, it doesn’t mean you won’t. You are still ENOUGH, and there are ENOUGH wins out there for everyone. That same woman that comparison wants you to be jealous of and avoid; she was probably put there to inspire you. When we stop looking at the achievements of others as a knock on our own value and learn to become content with who we are and where we are, whilst setting our own pace for growth and development, we can see the beauty in others without questioning our own. When you get so focused on desiring someone’s else’s triumphs and victories, you overlook your own wins.

We serve a God who’s well will never run dry; there’s enough for us all. For your own good girl, and for those around you, say ‘Good Bye’ to comparison.

Quotation on comparison
Quotation on comparison

Distractions & Busyness

How many hats do you wear? Or here’s a better question, how many hats are you expected to wear at once? Whether the expectation is from yourself or others, women have been crowned queen of multi-taskers, but there is no such thing as multi-tasking. We actually just switch from one task to the next. Each task is like a plane on a runway trying to launch but stopping and starting. What a bumpy ride!

And let’s not even talk about the number of times most of us check our phones in one day to see what’s happening elsewhere (comparison)! The constant busyness and distractions leave us feeling nothing but overwhelmed, over-stretched, and on the brink of burnout.

But what if we decided to lean in? What if we chose to lean in and be intentionally present?

I had the pleasure of seeing a speaker called Bob Goff explain a technique he and his wife use. When in a room together, either can get a ball, throw it to the other without any notice, and the other should catch it. To catch it means you’re in the room and present.

I sometimes wonder if God is trying to play catch with us, but we constantly miss the ball because we are so distracted by the world. Here’s the next step in your journey. Catch this blessing. This new friend is part of the promise. But we never have enough time to just sit, reflect and really consume what should be a priority in this season. We want to make EVERYTHING a priority! Well, guess what, girl? That makes nothing a priority! Maybe it’s our partners or kids throwing the ball to us, figuratively speaking, but whilst your body is in the room, your mind is on that 47th item on your to-do list.

But what if we decided to lean in? What if we chose to lean in and be intentionally present? What if, in 2021, before the year is out, we really took the time to assess what is important to us. Deep dive into our hearts to revive what really matters. What matters now? What belongs in this season? And what needs to go? People often ask me how do I do it all? The answer is I don’t. A friend once said to me, “You can have it all”. But guess what, I don’t want it all.

Simply put by Bob Goff:

“I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t.”

Quote from Bob Goff about priorities
Quote from Bob Goff about priorities


When discussing how perfection impacts the gift of hospitality, Shauna Niequest said:

“What people are craving isn’t perfection. People aren’t longing to be impressed; they’re longing to feel like they’re home……so that’s what we do. We throw open the front door and invite people into our home, despite its size, despite its imperfections. We practice hospitality, creating soft and safe places for people to connect and rest.”

What if we took the sentiment of what Shauna penned and applied it to our lives and the way we show up for ourselves and others. I know I haven’t wanted to show up in the past because I needed everything to be perfect, which led to Procrastination. What if we could embrace the gifts of imperfection and instead arrive authentically?

“This is why the door stays closed for so many of us, literally and figuratively. One friend promises she’ll start having people over when they finally have the money to remodel. Another says she’d be too nervous that people wouldn’t eat the food she made, so she never makes an invitation. But this isn’t about perfection and, it isn’t about performance. You’ll miss the richest moments in life – the scared moments when we feel God grace and presence through the hands and faces of the people we love – if you’re too scared or too ashamed to open the door.”

God says ‘”Come as you are”, not “Come when you are perfect”.

What if we chose to let go of the standards and pressures of perfection we sometimes create for ourselves or allow others to place on us? What if we allow others to show up as their true selves, warts and all? What if we did the work to love ourselves, including the parts that aren’t perfect? What if we became so at peace with who we are, knowing that God says “Come as you are”, not “Come when you are perfect”? What if that, in turn, gives others permission to show up as they are? To find home and rest in the arms of the saviour, bread at the table of our provider, and absolute perfection in the only one that can ever be perfect.

I’m talking about leaving behind the worldly fear-induced view of perfectionism that often stands in the way of obedience. That fear stops us from stepping out in faith if we don’t have the perfect plan when God has the perfect plan. The fear that prevents us from starting the business because of what others will say, when God is the one that inspired the idea in your heart, knowing it will impact lives for the better. The fear induced perfection that is so scared of rejection you wrapped it up in Procrastination, so you never start the ministry that is a part of your purpose. The side of perfection won’t allow you to write the book you are destined to pen for the world for fear of being vulnerable. The side of perfection that’s stopping you from opening your home to a life group is because your carpet looks old, and you want it to be perfect. You want to appear perfect.

As @soundmind on Instagram puts it:

“Perfectionism is procrastination parading as quality control.”

Perfectionism can paralyse you so you do nothing.

Adams Grant, an Organisational psychologist, says:

“Procrastination isn’t laziness. You don’t put tasks off to avoid work. You do it to avoid unpleasant emotions- self-doubt, boredom, confusion and frustration. The task you are avoiding isn’t always the one you hate. Sometimes it’s the one you fear, the one that’s worth pursuing.”

Or maybe you’re a performance-based perfectionist, where everything you do is motivated by getting the approval of others. They call you Miss flawless. But behind it all, you’re exhausted, approaching burnout and resentful but too scared to say ‘NO’! I can’t do it.

Quote on procrastination by Adams Grant
Quote on procrastination by Adams Grant

“Perfectionism drives us to cover up every flaw and to project spotless images of ourselves, our accomplishments, and our worthiness. But living in our purpose doesn’t make us the point; it makes us point to the ONE who is the point.” – Jordan Lee Dooley.

While we get rid of the unreachable goal of perfection rooted in deep insecurity and the feeling of not being enough, God’s call to be perfect is rooted in love. It’s a call to extend his love, grace, and kindness to others. In Matthew 5:48, His perfection is an expression of love and mercy that resonates through His words repeatedly. That is what we are called to do. David Matthis says: “it is the perfection of a heart that finds so much fulfilment and satisfaction in the God of grace that it is able to extend grace to those who don’t deserve it”. But guess what, that same love, compassion, and kindness for everyone else is for you too, girl. When we feel like we’re falling short, we can acknowledge that we are not quite there yet, because guess what the Bible says:

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12

To me, Paul is saying, ‘Hey guys, Here I am and take me as I am. I’m doing great things, but I’m not perfect. I don’t have it all together. But guess who does my God does. I show up as my best, and even when I’m not at my best, He does the rest”. Just think of Moses!

Gods love for you is UNCONDITIONAL. No performance needed. You are simply the APPLE OF HIS EYE, gazed upon as you grow. And when you give God your authentic best, He will do the rest, manifesting His perfect work in you and through you. Remember, you are his greatest masterpiece.

Now are you ready to say ‘Goodbye and good riddance, to some baggage you should have left behind a loooong while ago?

Because I am.

With heart & hope


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