Christian & Single: Here’s what happened when I stopped settling for less and idolising marriage

Hey Beautiful,

Ok, let’s get to it. I promise not to keep you for long!

Remember, remember the 5th of November! ??? Why are you talking about Bonfire night on Valentine’s day you might ask? Well, 3 years & 3 months ago, bonfire night, I had my first date with a guy that handles me like I’m the last piece of gold to exist on planet Earth. I feel so precious and I thank God ?

But like many Christian women the journey wasn’t always easy. Once upon a time, in my past, as a young christian lady, I chose to stay with a guy that treated me terribly. It was a relationship in which I was mentally and physically drained and abused. It totally impacted my spiritual life for the worst (and he was a church boy) and I stayed in this horrible, unhealthy relationship for over two years. I was looking for love and validation in all the wrong places.

Today I still speak to Christian single ladies that are fed up of being single and rush…….to date the wrong guy. They feel like they are the only single one left on the planet (which is not really the truth) and that sometimes makes them wanna compromise! That could mean compromising on their Christian values, their purity, their relationship standards and expectations, what God has already promised them and other areas. They rush and end up with someone that is totally not good enough. As celebrations like valentines day come and go, it’s also a day that make some singles feel even more sensitive about being single!

I Didn’t Know My Worth

Back then I didn’t know my worth. Those were the days when I was seeking my value in the created rather than the creator. Those were the days when I didn’t understand that the main man in my life, Jesus, paid the price on a cross so that I could live life more abundantly.

I realised I was putting a relationship with a man before my relationship with God and I was loving this guy more than I loved myself. We weren’t even married ya’ll and there was me acting like I had a ring on my finger. As if I didn’t bag him he would be the last man on earth. Do I blame him? No I had a choice. If I’m honest with myself, I was choosing to date the wrong guys! Fixer-uppers! Girl, I was there trying to pray him into a better man and down the aisle at the same time.

I remember being at a family wedding and like good old tradition the bride was getting ready to throw the bouquet. All the single girls were always told to go up and join in because whoever caught the bouquet would get married next! So the bride stood on the stage, turned her back to us ladies, all gathered and slightly nudging each other to get positioned well. She started her count down and we joined in. “5, 4, 3, 2” and she released the bouquet as we shouted ‘1’ and I was like “Oh yes. It’s coming towards me”.

I reached out my arms to grab it and the lady next to me had the same idea. I felt the synthetic petals touch my finger tips as we both grabbed it at the same time. We both clutched a fist full of flowers, we both tugged and we ended up with half the bouquet each. That was enough for me. I was  buzzing and willing to accept my half a bouquet. As I paraded that room showing everyone and saying yes ‘I got half’, a wise stranger, who I’m assuming was a guest from the other side of the family, leaned over me and whispered in my ear, in a Jamaican accent:

“Why you soh hexcited about alf a bouqet, you warnt alf a man? translated “Why are you so excited for half of the bouquet. Do you want half a man?

I reflect on that now and realise that, my standards were so low and I was compromising on my relationship choices, and that’s what i was ending up with compromising relationships. I realised I was so desperate to be with someone and get married because I felt marriage would validate me to the rest of the world. I felt it was a badge of honour that told the rest of the world I was worthy of being loved. I was stuck in a horrid cycle of trying to fill a void – a void that I soon realised could only be filled by God. I wanted more for myself. That more didn’t look like a better standard of man. That more looked like more of Jesus in my life. 

Jesus Makes Us Worthy. Not Our Relationship Status

When I started to dive into God’s word daily, to understand who God was, and who I was in God, then I saw change. In me. And my choices which in turn effect the quality of my life. Jesus can break every chain. And He did. I left the ‘mean guy’ and God drew me closer to Himself and I committed my life to serving Him.  I realised that He was all I needed! He is all that we all need. I stopped idolising marriage and the idea that it made me worthy! Jesus does that. He is the only one that makes us worthy.

I decided to fully commit to ministry and serving God wholeheartedly. Even if it meant staying single forever, I felt freedom. I remember saying “God, I just want to live my life serving You and living out the purpose You created me for. If I don’t meet anyone ‘til I’m 50, I’m fine with that. I let it go, it’s in Your hands, I just want to live in Your will and serve You.” I embraced my singleness and I was loving every minute of a happy and full life. I got on with raising my boys as a single mama; did my degree in business entrepreneurship; ran my own business; travelled; worked with multiple women’s ministries; ran events and a youth club for teen girls; and enjoyed every opportunity that God called me to.

The more I knew God, the more I fell in love with Him, then the more I got to know who I am in Christ, and the more I realised that God could meet all of my needs! That doesn’t mean I never ever prayed about marriage or prepared my life so there would be room for it, and that doesn’t mean that ‘randoms’ (as Heather Lyndsay would call men that show up that aren’t for you) didn’t show up, but compromising for it was no longer an option. God knows the right time FOR EVERYTHING so just chill girl! Your relationship with God and yourself is key and priority

Find Your Value in Christ, Not Man

And you know how amazing our God is, right?

Fast forward several years, right there, in my submission to God, in ministry, I made a friend. A friend that would one day be the man I am married to now. I had nothing to do with it. Jesus was right at the centre of us coming together. We’d known each other for a few years and shared an office at church for several months. We worked together on multiple Christian events and developed a beautiful friendship. My husband treats me like an absolute diamond. He knows whose son he is. And he knows whose daughter I am.

 

Christian Interracial marriage at the altar in wedding dress and suit
Us – Dominic & I about to say ‘I do’ xxx

 

By then I knew exactly who I was in Christ and exactly what God wanted for me. My husband wasn’t my validation because God had already given me that. My husband didn’t make me the woman that I am but he compliments the woman that I am. And vice versa. God was my provider, my father, my counsellor, my guide, my everything. Now me and my husband are one and God does that for both of us.

Seek your value in the creator not the created. You’re worth so much more, baby girl. You’re God’s precious daughter. Don’t settle for less or stay with someone who treats you like dirt when God wants you to be with someone that will treasure you like a diamond! ?

I will keep giving this word of encouragement because so many ladies are selling themselves short. Undervaluing themselves just because they want to be with someone, so they’re settling for less than they deserve.

In our house we’re not really big on Valentine’s day, but I will always remember the 5th of November. Our first date! If I had kept doing things my way who knows where I’d be now? But when I surrendered my desires to God, he did exceedingly and abundantly ABOVE all that I could have ever asked or hope for?

If there are 5 things I want you to take away from this:

  1. God first, spend time in God’s word for yourself to know who He is and who you are
  2. Get to know yourself in Christ
  3. Your relationship status, single or married or complicated is not an indication of your worth
  4. Embrace the season that you are in wholeheartedly – have fun, grow, learn, make friends, serve (and the list can go on)
  5. You were so worth it to Jesus

– You are God’s wonderful and extravagant work of art.

– You are the cherry on top of God’s creative masterpiece

– You are a beautiful

– You are worthy

– You are so uniquely valuable that you are priceless

I just wanted to remind you of the truths above and that there is a very small snippet of the wonders of you! There are just so many layers of awesomeness to you! I’m so thankful that God designed you for a time such as this!

Let’s pray.

Dear God, thank you. You never cease to amaze us. You showed me I am not a victim, I am a victor and You turned my mess into a message. I pray for my sisters in Christ that are single and hoping to meet someone one day. Help us all to keep our eyes on Christ where our help comes from. You are where we find our love and hope. You supply every single one of our needs. Help us to seek first Your kingdom, knowing and trusting that everything else will be added to us.  I pray that you put a peace in her heart, knowing that you now best. Remind her of her beauty and purpose and what you want for her to be doing now in this single season. Help her to embrace and love it! When she does arrive in her marital season, she will see so much of what she is doing in her single season, prepared her and blessed her for marriage. This single season is not a waste or something to be rushed away. It is not a time to be filled with random unworthy partners, but a time to dive deeper into a relationship with you. Thank you for sending your one and only son, Jesus Christ to die for our sins. He was so in love with us He gave His life for every one of us. He paid the price for our lives with His. True love. May every woman that is reading this and struggling to see her worth, find it in you. Thank you, Daddy xx Amen

Dear hubby, you are perfect for me! THANK YOU for the way you love me. I love you. Remember remember the 5th of November and happy Valentine’s day xx

Privacy Preference Center